** Screenshots are made based off real text messages with real friends. It is done this way to protect their identity. If you need to verify authenticity, please DM me for the actual messages. TQ.

Three cheers, and three cheers and three cheers for Faith because she's OUT OF HALL FOR GOOD.

The day I packed up and left, I actually stood outside my door for awhile to savour the feeling of freedom. It felt so good to finally say goodbye to the room where I was shamed, alone; where I cried continuously for nights because I hated where I was but wasn't able to leave. The room that I hid myself in because of my horrible social anxiety. The room that suck me dry due to my paranoia and shame and guilt and trying to be someone I'm not.

It was finally time to go.

I AM FINALLY FREE.

Even though it's been about 2 weeks since I left, I'm still haunted by the memories. I have friends who ask me how I've been and if my mental state has been healthier since I left. I tell them I'm fine - and I really am, but it's really difficult to forgive and forget, especially since the worst 2 years of my life were spent at that place. I did seek counselling for my anxiety, because there are nights I still dream about everything and people I don't want to think about, and my counsellor suggests that a "shift of environment" may make things better for me. I've got that shift now, so let's wait and see.

I get random panic attack at times, especially when I see people I don't really know or friends I haven't spoken to in awhile send me a text on Telegram. Most of them start with, "Hey Faith, I read your post...", and even before opening it, I first expect to be criticised, condemned, and be called an insensitive bitch, because isn't that what we do to people who dare to speak out?

But instead, over the past few days I've been showered with reassurance, encouragement, and empathy from a lot of people, and honestly, it's ironic that it took a whole rage post to help me see the good in people. I'm really thankful that after all that, there are still people who care for me. I'm xiao touched.

Honestly I wanted to close this depressing, triggering chapter in my life, but something ticked me off recently and made me go - bitch, I'm not done.

Yesterday, I was talking to a close friend who I can safely say dedicated his entire uni life to Hall, and he recently got betrayed by the people and the place that he worked so hard for. It then dawned on me that - shit, Hall wasn't just doing this to ME. I'm fine if Hall didn't give a shit about me because I for sure didn't give a shit about it, but DAMN, there are now people there who are treating my friends who dedicated their life to Hall like trash and not appreciating them for what they did. Now fuck that shit.

Honestly, I was already holding back my bitchiness in the first post because I wanted to respect my friends who were still in Hall; many of them holding high positions and I may not necessarily be referring to them as well, and also because these people who tRigGeREd me were a minority of fucktards, and the majority were still kinda alright. So when I wrote the first post I censored the name of my Hall and Uni out of respect for these friends dear to me, and also since I was still part of Hall and wanted to be considerate to those I cared about, I protected their privacy.

But girl, now I'm OUT, and most of my friends and people I do like are also out, and the new president of Hall is literally the person who CAUSED all this shit to me in the first place. There is literally NO reason for me to hold back, and there is literally NO reason for me to be nice anymore. I have every reason and right to write something damning about this shithole of a place. SHIT is literally what I feel about this place, it's system, and entire culture. Therefore I'm not surprised that the first 2 alphabets of the Hall name is the same as the first 2 alphabets in the word - SHIT.

Anyway I'm obviously going to be very triggered while blogging this so please forgive my crude writing. Also keep in mind this is just targeted towards a very specific, minority group of people. Don't take everything I write so personally. If you insist, well, then feel free to be offended.

In my previous post I shared how a lot of positions people get in Hall are due to connections, and part of this post will further elaborate on this.

The first thing that triggered me and many other people were the recent JCRC elections. The JCRC is like a "student union" of sorts (??) and the members are usually voted in. Perhaps due to Covid-19 or whatever shit, there were allegedly some people currently in the JCRC who weren't elected in and were just given the positions. Why? I don't know, nothing in Hall ever makes sense.

Also I didn't make this up ok, someone told me this.

And I just can't comprehend WHY anyone should be allowed to be given so much power over hundreds of students in Hall when they didn't earn the right to it. Do you know how much power the JCRC has? They have the power to choose who to bring into Hall, who stays in Hall, and who leaves. They have the authority to make the rules and because of their status, they can work their own way around it as well.

Personally, the JCRC elections every year is already bullshit because we don't really get updated on who's going to be elected in or what, and usually we just suddenly see notices posted around Hall announcing that so and so is gonna be this position. The people elected in are usually supported by members from the previous JCRC batch, but that doesn't really offer any credibility because you can just choose your own friends. LOL.

And even if you dislike someone or disagree that a certain person should hold this position, you can't really do anything about it. Most of us in Hall don't really give a damn about who the JCRC is, and we don't want to be seen like we're not family enough so everyone just votes for whoever is running for a said position.

Do we care? Nope. But that doesn't mean that it's right to just give such an important position to someone whose completely unworthy JUST because most people don't care. Also, most people don't care because we aren't even updated in the first place to begin with. The higher ups already made their decisions, who are we peasants to come and say no?

It's just frustrating. Just a bunch of trash people running a trash system.

Also disclaimer, not everyone in the JCRC are trash, I'm just saying some. SOME. President of AY 20/21 included.

There's also this thing in Hall called "Masterlist". I'm not sure if I talked about it before, but it's basically just a system where you can appeal to stay in Hall when you don't have enough points. You apply for Masterlist on the basis that you have a talent or something to offer to Hall, so they will consider taking you back in.

Now first of all, can I just say that this whole Masterlist system is bull. shit. I've known people who are super talented and were in 7 sport CCAs and were the MVP or whatever but got their Masterlist rejected. I've known people who had a lot of value to offer but were rejected because they didn't have enough connections. I've known people with so much to give but didn't get their Masterlist application accepted just because there was some bastard JCRC member who had a personal grudge against him or her.

C'mon. Y'all know by now that EVERYTHING in Hall is personal. You probably need to angkat the fuck out of someone's balls in the JCRC or literally fuck them to earn a place in Hall. I mean, didn't I do that in Year 1? Fuck someone with status to get into Hall?

So remember I was talking about this one friend I have? He recently got his Masterlist application rejected and was super upset about it. Neither him nor I expected him to get rejected because he's always been super onz about everything in Hall and has a lot of expertise in certain CCAs. He also has a lot of friends who hold high positions, so with his connections we really thought he'd be fine.

Apparently, someone SNAKED him and that was the reason why he got rejected. Honestly, I didn't want to tell my friend I told you so because it's just so obvious that everything is personal, but I really feel sad for him too.

In general, Hall is just a shit system run but a bunch of retards who think they're better than anyone else. I said what I said.

Some people ask me if I had good memories in Hall. I mean I had a shit time, that's for sure. But were there some good times at least?

Well honestly I did enjoy some aspects of Hall, and I really miss my friends. I miss having these cool performances and jamming with my band at 3 in the morning, and I miss having people knock on my door and barge in when I'm in the midst of studying. I miss playing volleyball. And I miss having steamboat with my CCA mates.

To be brutally honest, there was a part of me that felt sentimental when I said goodbye to my room. The room where I cried for nights alone but half of those nights I had someone with me, vodka in hand. The room where I opened up to many of my closest friends. The room where my boyfriend and I spent the most time together when we first met. The room that is usually quiet with the door closed, and only ever visited by those who meant something to me.

It's quite remarkable that even after everything that happened I STILL manage to hold on to the good memories.

Really proud that I survived the worst 2 years of my life and managed to stay true to myself.

Really glad that it's over now, and even though the bad memories are hard to forget, I know I'll get better.

I'm ok.

I'm gonna be alright.