Often, I'd fail to catch the mistakes I made, also known as 'errors'. Each day at 10am, my supervisors would go through these errors with me one by one, and ask me why I made these errors, what happened, and so on. I got scolded almost every day during the first two months because of my errors. So what are errors? For example, the main heading looked too small, a font wasn't bolded or there were blinks (when a subtitle line cuts into the next frame or ends early). These were really nitty-gritty things that we looked out for and it would be really difficult to catch them as a newbie. It was also hard to catch them because I was mentally exhausted or lost focus after editing and checking tens of videos every day back to back.

I got scolded so many times for these mistakes, and they'll ask why I committed the same errors I did before and so on. It was really frustrating for me, number one because many of the things were subjective - they'd think something was too big or too small while I thought it looked fine, and second, going through errors took lots of time.

My supervisors are very meticulous (and they should be) but sometimes... it happens at the expense of efficiency. When there's a problem, no matter how small it is, they have to find out what caused it. For example, let's say my error was that the main title was too small and this was my second time making this error. My supervisors would ask me, "Why do you think this is okay?" and if I say it looks fine, they would then ask "But didn't I tell you before that this was not okay?" and if I apologize and say I'm sorry and I will take note in the future they would then continue asking, "How sure can you be that you won't commit this again?". And then I'd reply, "I'm sure", to which they would ask, "How sure are you in percentages?".

I would then say, "80%?", and then they would say, "Why not 100%?".

AND IT GOES ON AND ON... AND ON AND THAT'S JUST FOR ONE ERROR.

I mean, sometimes these mistakes just happen and could be careless mistakes. I don't mind if you point out my mistakes to me one by one (so I am aware and will definitely keep in mind next time), but asking for a reason when there's no reason except that I'm not perfect and human and makes mistakes, that really boggles my mind. It's not that my process was wrong. It's not that I wasn't focused. It's not that I didn't know how to do it. Sometimes we just make mistakes.

It was very demoralizing during my first few weeks because I kept getting scolded for my errors. I was improving, but not fast enough like how they expected me to be. I even remember my supervisor telling me that if I ever made mistakes, it was because I wasn't focused and she wouldn't take any other excuses. But I was trying my best and I was 100% focused every day. Unfortunately, mistakes still happened.

There were times when they themselves edited videos and made unacceptable errors or rookie mistakes too, and I was like... if you would make these mistakes, could you be more understanding when I committed them too? I just felt that there was this lack of empathy and no one understood how hard I was struggling. I also felt like I had to watch my own back all the time because no one would stand up for me. To protect myself, I kept a daily log of the things I did at every minute because my supervisors would ask me to update them on what I did each day, and I had to answer to them if I didn't hit 80 minutes. Then, they would want to know what I was wasting my time on and I'd get scolded if I didn't know. So my log looked something like this:

1000-1030: did video XYZ

1030-1035: in-house software broke down

1035-1040: downloaded video XYZ

1040-1045: internet slow

1045-1050: check video XYZ, video came out different, redid the video

I did this until 7pm each day. And at least then I had proof that I wasn't wasting my time, watching Netflix or texting friends or whatever. I wanted to prove that when I had blockers, I was problem-solving. This may sound extra to you, but trust me, because I did this, the scolding lessened significantly.

Everyone at the Nas Daily office overworks. It's just the culture. Our CEO doesn't believe in taking breaks and that is his mantra - work every day! Honestly, I think being busy is fine and I love working anyway, but I don't believe that overworking your staff is healthy if they don't feel that they're getting anything back in return.

First of all, my pay is shit. It's absolute shit. On Google they listed the intern pay as S$500-S$600/month. And that's honestly on me because I under-quoted myself. But for the amount of work I'm doing and the stress that's imposed on me, I expect to be paid at least double for this. Interns don't have day offs or official leaves. I didn't have an official once-a-month leave. And on Chinese New Year eve, I didn't have an official half-day off.

Nuseir did mention that overworking was a large issue in the company, and it was the main reason people left. During one of our Monday meetings, he stressed that if a department is overworked and a teammate is falling behind, they should hire new people to come and help. Unfortunately, that didn't happen in my department because when I asked if they could consider hiring another intern to help me with the workload (which was going to triple in the following weeks), they said no and that "you can do it".

One thing that really stressed me out was the unrealistic expectations that were set for me each day. I know my standard and I know how much I can do. But most days, I would be given a lot more than I can chew, and when I tell them that I may not be able to finish it but I'll try my best, the answer would always be, "No, you must finish".

So I would rush and rush and rush, waking up earlier by one hour so I can start work early, and ending work around 8.30pm because I couldn't finish. I would also skip lunch. Maybe I suck... and I acknowledge that. But I was trying my best. I wished my supervisors could have been more understanding and accommodating when they saw me struggling.

Another big expectation they had for me was to be error-free, which meant that all my videos had to be perfect. I didn't achieve this until the last month of my internship. It was so difficult having to rush and hit the number of videos I needed to do for the day, and have to be perfect while at it. Maybe the previous interns could do it and I'm just bad. But like I said, I was trying my absolute best and it seemed like everyone only valued the result and not the process (my improvement and effort).

During the first two months of my internship, I was so stressed that I had insomnia every night, dreamt of work and being scolded, and my period did not come for one month (My period always comes on the exact day it's supposed to come, and this was the first time in my life I ever missed a month). I started dry heaving while doing work and had palpitations because I was so nervous that someone was going to text me a screenshot of something I did wrong in the middle of the day (which happened a lot) and I would get scolded again.

My hands also started spazzing from editing videos non-stop for nine hours straight, and I had very bad gastric, so bad that I had to see the doctor.

Some of you may wonder, why didn't I tell someone? I did. On my fourth week into the internship, I broke down at the office after being scolded by one of my supervisors. I explained to her that I was struggling, and she listened and for the subsequent one week, my workload was better managed. But things just went back to the usual after that. And I know I couldn't afford to work based on my pace too, because I was the only intern and no one else would do my job. I had to do it.

Over the course of this internship, I had to go for counselling to manage my anxiety and had to stop eating spicy and salty food for one month because of my gastritis. Eventually, I cut short my internship because I felt like the environment was mentally and physically unhealthy for me.

My department did hire a new intern to replace me - this new guy. And they seem to like him very much. Well, he's likeable and perhaps more likeable than me because he smiles more and can take shit better than me. They seem to scold him much less, and I sincerely hope he's having a better time than me.

Perhaps you're considering applying for a job at Nas Daily. Well, I think you should still go for it because they are a reputable company. Obviously, there are a lot of things they need to work on, but they are still learning and growing as a two-year-old company. I do believe the company culture will improve, and that they will become better.

See you next post!